The image we should be....

I've seen multiple articles recently about controversy surrounding the right way to look. But who in fact decides what that image is? Why is it a constant struggle to live by this image that only a few people can really fit into?

A few weeks ago, it was an article about a woman who sued Prada because she was fired for being "ugly." Since when did it become all about JUST looks? Personality is a very important part of a person. It should in fact, be more important than looks... because looks fade. And to top it off, the single mom lost the lawsuit. Now Prada is countersuing her because "she" slandered the Prada name. Wait a second here, PRADA is suing her for damaging the company's reputation? Because of Prada's horrible decision to sue for $780,000, they as a company have in fact hurt the name even more.

Rina Bovrisse, the former employee of Prada.

I've also been amazed by this whole Abercrombie and Fitch controversy. What was CEO Mike Jeffries thinking? Saying he "doesn't want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people." That his customers should feel like the "cool kids..." The cool kids, really? Jeffries is obviously a bully. Was he never taught, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" He is an example of why so many teens think they aren't cool enough or popular. What about the fact that most people can't afford $30+ for one shirt or $50 to upwards of $100 for a pair of jeans... so not having a certain label makes you uncool? 

This brings me to question, what is the image we need to be to fit in? You don't see many plus size mannequins, or companies that sell larger clothing... and that's just not fair. I've done multiple posts on this issue because it's mind boggling to sit here and think bigger sizes should be treated differently. I know I've struggled with weight just like every other woman out there and it's just not fair to make women feel worse because they can't find clothes to fit their body. It's crazy when I read these posts or articles about the constant, repetitive cycle of body image and what is right or wrong

And yet it's not just woman who are affected. This whole image issue is just a small glimpse into the world of bullying. Mean Girls is a perfect example. They had this idea that skinny is beautiful and if you were anything else other than skinny, with perfect hair, skin, features, you were in the burn book. So what guidelines are people following? and how do we break them down so people can be themselves and not have to worry about what criticism they will get for not looking a certain way or wearing a label? Creating that movie even unintentionally fueled the "image" fire because as much as they made fun of the "Mean Girls" they were also glamorized.

There are millions of women out there who strive to change the way we view beauty, and good for them! The more voices heard the better. Plus-sized blogger Gabi Gregg , who introduced a fabulous new two piece for plus size women and Jes, aka The Militant Baker, who did a photoshoot and wrote a great response to Mr. Jeffries, are just two examples of women stepping out to make a difference. I even read about a stepmother who required her daughter to wear secondhand clothing to teach the 4th grader empathy after she bullied a girl for her clothing.

Photo cred: Liora K Photography and Jes, the Militant Baker

These are all great examples of women who are trying to open our eyes and create a new idea of what we should look like. 

Remember: 

 Everyone has something that makes them beautiful, it just depends on if that person is going to let their beauty shine.

The Thigh Gap: New obsession or continuing worry?

       Last week I read an article on ABC that stuck with me. It was titled Thigh Gap: New Teen Body Obsession?, and it was about a new kind of body image imperfection. But is it really a new obsession? Or is it just getting more notice now that runways are live streaming and social media sites can focus on "thinspiration" more easily.

       I've struggled with my weight all my life. When I was 12 years old I blew up to 160lbs and a size 14 at 5'3''. After being made fun of, being told I was fat by family members, and constantly being told to lose weight, I took it upon myself to get into shape. Within 6 months I was down 30lbs and feeling great, but does the worrying ever really stop?

       Once I hit high school, I struggled even more with my body image. I would eat a cookie a day and maybe a snack but other than that I wouldn't let myself eat. I dropped to a 110lbs (the smallest I'd ever been) and people were then telling me they were worried I was too skinny, my bones popped out everywhere. So not only do you have a constant battle of what's the "perfect weight" but the people around you do too.

       One of my main "problems" has always been my thigh gap or lack there of. Over the years, I've managed to tighten it up but that's the problem.... we are ALL different. Nobody's body is the same. So while I sit here and worry about my love handles, or thigh gap, others might worry about their flabby arms or whatever kind of distraction they have to keep them from feeling beautiful or part of the "in crowd."

       As far as I'm concerned, the thigh gap has been around for a long time, or at least since I was a teen. I'm 25 now, and I still worry about my body image- there's always something to pick apart and the thigh gap is one of my biggest "imperfections." (see I'm doing it right there ;}) But I've also come to realize, I'm happy. I look healthy, I feel good, I have a wonderful fiancé that loves everything about my body, and I have the confidence I didn't have when I was a teen. So as I read that article morning, and watched the interview of 4 teens, I wondered, is it really us as individuals that cause these worries or is it mainstream media like news networks and social media platforms that continue to cause us to pick apart our imperfections?

       According to an article from CNN, social media may do more harm than good. Amanda Coleman, president of her sorority, found herself counseling many of the girls. She began to notice all conversations had to do with Facebook or other social media outlets so she put a stop to it. She quit Facebook. Before social media, images of unattainable beauty were harder to come by, but as social media platforms continue to get bigger, women and girls are staring at the images for longer periods, seeing photos in their newsfeeds. "And, you know, at some level we all knew these were models and celebs, so maybe it was different somehow, more fictional and unattainable," said Coleman.

       So while teens struggle with the "new" obsession, mainstream media needs to cut back on their coverage of the body image obsession. The more people obsess over something, the more it becomes a normal, every day thing to worry about. According to the article, teen psychologist Barbara Greenberg, says statistics show that 80 percent of girls dislike their bodies by the time they are 17 years old. That is an incredibly high number for such young girls.


       We have to do something about the way "beautiful" is perceived. It shouldn't just be about the looks. If someone isn't beautiful on the inside, how can they be beautiful on the outside? Girls need to learn how to love themselves and each other as well as stop cutting each other down. It might make you feel good to begin with but it won't for long and you will have one more imperfection to worry about.

       And while the thigh gap is just one of the unrealistic standard for most out there, girls continue to focus on the size of their body not for the attention of boys, but according to the teens interviewed, "it’s strictly a girl thing, affecting popularity and status."

       What are your thoughts? Is the thigh gap a new fad? Have you struggled with it? How have you overcome your imperfections?

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Real Girls Making a REAL Difference

The photoshop epidemic is under attack once again and it's the readers of magazines like Seventeen and Teen Vogue that are taking action.

Photoshopping has become an epedemic in magazines and other digital media. As girls read these magazines, they long to look like "the girls in the magazines." Well not anymore!

A group of teen girls have teamed up with SPARK a Movement, which is a movement "to demand an end to the sexualization of women and girls in media," to show magazines and other media outlets that readers want to see REAL girls in the pages of magazines, with real body issues, no photoshopping or digital enhancements. 

 “I want teen girls to be shown how they are in magazines so that girls in real life won’t have to feel bad about their bodies when they shouldn’t,” member Britney Franco, 13, said in an interview. 

Seventeen Magazine petition

With the crusades of SPARK and the teen members voices, Seventeen Magazine's editor-in-chief, Ann Shoket, recently agreed to stop digitally altering models in any spreads of the teen mag. With the recent victory, the organization moved on to the fashion power house, Teen Vogue. SPARK created a petition to ask Teen Vogue to publicly state they will no longer digitally alter the face or body of any models who appear in the magazine. If you want to sign the petition and have your voice heard, check out Change.org for more information. 

Yesterday, the ambitious teens staged a mock fashion show outside of Conde Nast headquarters in Times Square. They wanted to demonstrate what real girls look like, how girls are affected by photoshopping and what readers want to see in the pages of these magazines.

“We’re really trying to do the runway show to show what we want to see in these fashion magazines and it starts with us, the reader... Being a young woman of color and dealing with body issues and having naturally curly hair, I’ve always struggled finding a role model in these magazines.” -Carina Cruz, 16 years-old, SPARK member

While the movement might not have had as much of a positive influence on the teen fashion mag, with the meeting only lasting about five minutes according to the SPARK website, it's not stopping the girl-power movement. Franco writes an update of what happened at yesterday's meeting with Teen Vogue. "They gave Emma and Carina copies of Teen Vogue and told them to use it to “learn about the magazine,” as though we didn’t already know about it–I’m a Teen Vogue subscriber!.... This was obviously disappointing to us, but we will still continue on our mission to get Teen Vogue to stop altering the appearances of the girls in their magazine. Teen Vogue has an incredibly large readership that supports them immensely, and now it’s time for the magazine to do the same for their readership."

After the fashion show, outside of Conde Nast

The SPARK movement is very dedicated to what they do and the girls who represent it are speaking out on behalf of the --according to their website-- 75% of girls, who feel depressed after minutes of reading magazines. And even though Teen Vogue wasn't very receptive to the idea, SPARK is determined to make a change in the way girls and women are portrayed. "They have the choice to be the heroes in this story; help them make that decision," Franco wrote.

***Photos are from SPARK Summit's facebook.

Bullies of Online Fashion Media

The fashion industry is under constant criticism for the way women are perceived and while most now strive to create better body images, unfortunately, it's sites like Skinny Gossip that continue to create this scrutiny.

Kate Upton got a lot of praise after her Sports Illustrated cover, but she also got some bashing. As the "Rookie of the Year" in 2011, the 19-year-old blond, all-American bombshell, landed the February cover, showing off her curves in a string bikini. The model's figure created quite a stir in the fashion world, but Upton doesn't seem to let it bother her. "I love my curves. You know, I'm healthy and I think that's what Sports Illustrated represents: healthy, confident women who love their bodies," Upton said in an interview.  

Photo from Huffington Post

After reading a tweet from Independent Fashion Bloggers last night, "Bloggers gone bad - Anyone who calls @KateUpton thick, vulgur and pornographic is clearly insane: http://bit.ly/LKoMM0,"  I was beyond curious to see what it was all about. I clicked the link and read the Elle write up. The woman in me was disgusted that anyone could write such hateful, horrible things, but the journalist in me said it's time to start writing.

I've always tried to write about hard-hitting stories in the fashion industry since I went to school for journalism and focused many of my pieces on fashion. It's the industry I love working for but, people need to know the good, the bad and the ugly in any industry. I knew this write up was a perfect example of why girls and women all around the world have such insecurities about their looks let alone themselves as individuals. I've always kept up with the body image issue vs fashion industry because every girl I know, including myself has had self-esteem issues.  

So, I went straight to the source: Skinny Gossip, Kate Upton Is Well-Marbled. The post started off comparing humans to cows and then insinuating that Kate Upton is one... Did you know that humans are 80% genetically identical to cows? Well, allow me to prove it to you…  The blogger goes on to joke about Upton "lumbering up a runway like there’s a buffet at the end of it," and that's just the first couple sentences.....  

Photo from Skinny Gossip

Not only does SG bash Upton's weight, the blogger bully tears Kate down about her style and class saying, "She looks like she would work in the back of a motorcycle shop in Nashville and give (bad) blow jobs for $25."

Photo from Huffington Post

Everyone has the right to their own opinion, but it's people like the blogger of Skinny Gossip and Maura Kelly, who create this constant bullying for others when they know they have at least a national audience. What good does it do to ramble on about how others looks, weight, ect, and bash them? It only shows that YOU, the bully, have deep issues that you need to battle yourself. 

Anytime someone bullies another it's because that person doesn't want to face reality and deal with their inner problems/demons. The writer of Skinny Gossip needs to take a look into what's really causing the attack on Kate Upton. Writing things like, "This girl belongs deep in the gutter of American commercialism – so don’t get any crazy ideas about her being a fashion model, OK?" only shows the world that you have deeper problems than you lead on. 


Two years ago, I wrote a piece about the Maura Kelly rant, a Marie Claire blogger wrote about the show Mike & Molly, attacking the show and people a like. Kelly compared overweight people to alcoholics and heroin addicts but as you read on, she apologizes and opens up about her struggle with anorexia. While it wasn't a valid excuse at all for the down right horrible things she said, it did show she had her own struggles that maybe caused her to not be fully happy with herself. 

There are some people out there that are taking the same steps as the Skinny Gossip blogger, sending SG hate mail and death threats, but what does that do? While yes, SG did something horribly wrong, and should not have shared the hateful rant with the world, I sit here writing this not to bash back but to make people aware of what's going on in the world around them.

So with that said, take a moment and think about what you write, text, post or say. You never know what someone is dealing with, everyone has their own battles to fight. And while celebrities are supposed to have "tough skin" and deal with haters all the time, remember....

Enough is enough!

By Jody Marich

I recently read an article by Shaun Dreisbach, from Glamour about body image. Since I know a lot of girls with self-esteem and body issues, including myself, I thought it would be a good read. The article shocked me, but made me realize that something needs to change.

The glam squad did a survey with 300 women of all sizes that had to do with the thoughts and feelings that run through a woman's mind each day. The results were shocking:"Young women recorded an average of 13 brutal thoughts about their bodies each day"

Glamour did an experiment to find more alarming news."97% of women will be cruel to their bodies today." The experiment was extended to women across the country: record/ note every negative or anxious thought about your body in the course of one full day. The results came back with 97% having at least one, as Glamour put it, "I hate my body" moment.

 A Cincinnati psychologist, Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., specializing in body image helped Glamour design the survey. "It’s become such an accepted norm to put yourself down that if someone says she likes her body, she’s the odd woman out. I was in a group discussion recently, and when one woman said, ‘I actually feel OK about the way I look,’ another woman scrunched up her face and said, ‘I have never in my whole life heard anyone say that—and I’m not sure I even believe you.’ That’s how pervasive this negative body talk is. It’s actually more acceptable to insult your body than to praise it," said Kearney-Cooke. This quote reminds me of the scene from Mean Girls where they all talk about how they have flaws while Lindsay Lohan says nothing. They look at her like she is crazy.

I don't think people realize how hard we all are on ourselves and the ones we love. I know when I was younger, I was called fat and told to lose weight and now it is always with me. I try not to worry about calories and enjoy what I eat but sometimes that negative body image kicks in. In the Glamour article it notes, "Nearly 63 percent of survey respondents said they had roughly the same number of negative thoughts as they expected. But few realized how venomous those thoughts were until they were down on paper."

"Our unattainable cultural beauty ideals, our celebrity worship—those all play a part," says Kearney-Cooke. I 100% agree with Ms. Kearney-Cooke, the image that is portrayed everywhere is thin, beautiful, clear skin, luscious hair, gorgeous body, etc. Even in other countries there are pressures to look a certain way. Take a look at this post from the blog Dressful. Eva ordered an issue of Vogue India to see what ideals were inside. She was shocked at what she discovered. There were multiple advertisements for skin lightening cream. There is a lot of pressure from magazines and beauty products to have lighter skin because as Eva put it in her post, "They believe dark skin is ugly and light skin guarantees more opportunities in life."

We can't hide from the fact that all countries, generations and ethnicities have pressure and body issues. Everything from "I have too many wrinkles" to " I'm too fat" run through people's minds especially women's'.

This next part saddens me to the point of worrying about kids I don't even have yet. It makes me once again think there has got to be a way to fix this body image issue. "In a University of Central Florida study of three- to six-year-old girls, nearly half were already worried about being fat—and roughly a third said they wanted to change something about their body."--- This tid bit from the Glamour article scares me. I want to have children one day BUT I want them to be happy, healthy and playful not worried about looks at such a young age.

Heartbreaking. 

Something has gotta give here. We can't be passing our negative body image issues onto future generations.

So how do we fix this?

The article goes on to talk about, "Silencing your inner mean girl."

CHECK THIS OUT: "It’s worth it for not just the mental peace but your physical health as well. Research at the University of British Columbia, Vancouver, suggests that women who obsess over their body and diet have chronically elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol (even when their life is not otherwise stressed)—and, as a result, may suffer from elevated blood pressure, lower bone density, higher amounts of unhealthy belly fat and even menstrual problems. “And this was among women in their twenties!” exclaims lead researcher Jennifer Bedford, Ph.D. “If you continue on this path, it could have a real impact on heart, bone and reproductive health 10 or 20 years down the road."- Glamour.

So to my friends, and the rest of you that really obsess over looks and weight... STOP. It's only hurting you in the long run. 

Glamour came up with 7 things to turn your negative thoughts around.

1. Rewire you brain: My translation is, instead of listing the "CONS" about your body, list the "PROS!" There has got to be something you like whether it's your eyes, hair, whatever, choose something and go from there. Kearney-Cooke suggests "keeping a pen handy to note things you do that make you feel good about your body... Doing this puts positive stuff front-of-mind and starts becoming instinctive.”

2. Ask yourself: Is this negative feeling really about your body or is there something else causing the bashing. 

3. Exercise: You will physically and emotionally feel better. If you set a goal of lifting a certain weight or running a certain distance and you achieve it, that will boost your self-esteem. Womenshealth.gov says, "Regular exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem, self-image, and energy levels."

4. Say "STOP!": If you have to, yell at yourself to stop the negative body image thoughts. I have done it a couple times and it helps. My boyfriend always corrects me too. If I say something negative, he will make me say "I'm beautiful" three times before we move on.

5. Remind yourself: Fretting over body issues doesn't get you anywhere. I recently heard a saying that I love, "Worry is the misuse of the imagination." So don't worry or obsess about the bad things, use your imagination and do something to create a better self-image.

6. Appreciate your body: Realize all the things it does for you. You can move around, explore, live because of your body. Be thankful you are alive. 

7. Play up your strengths: Don't compare to others. I'm guilty of this but we all have qualities that are better than others. Someone might be "prettier" on the outside, but you could be prettier on the inside. Focus on the good traits you have and be proud of who you are. 

We need to stop being so emotionally abusive to ourselves.  If a significant other was saying such hurtful things, hopefully you wouldn't take it or maybe even get out of the relationship. People need positive reinforcements in their lives to believe in themselves and have a good body image. 

In the end, we all have things we want to work on or fix about ourselves, but don't dwell on it. Just know you are unique and beautiful in your own way. The next time a negative idea pops in you head, say "NO! I am beautiful just the way I am."